What's the downside to being single around the holidays?

Holidays have traditionally been focused around couples and families, and society has not yet caught up with the fact that living single is now totally ordinary. So even though more and more people have been living single, often for more of their adult lives, we still try to recreate marriage- and family-based traditions around the holidays. That can make it hard for people who are single, and who feel, or are made to feel, that they are not entirely included. There are also singles who are totally fine with being single, but are unnerved by other people's assumptions that they must be sad to be single for the holidays. Other singles really do wish they were coupled and so the holidays, that are often so couple- and family-centered, can be particularly difficult for them.

What's the upside to being single around the holidays?

It is interesting that there is so much focus on the downside of being single around the holidays when there are so many upsides. When you are single, you do not have to spend time with insufferable in-laws or spend money on gifts for them. You won't get dragged to events that your partner guilts you into attending, and when you go to the events that you choose to go to, you can stay for as long or as short a time as you like – and you won't be embarrassed by a misbehaving partner.

You also have the opportunity to make the holidays special in the ways that you like best. You can invite people to your place and entertain, or spend time with friends. I know singles who splurge on trips over the holidays. They don't always go somewhere far away, but they might go to a resort or some other place that is a special treat. Some start their own quirky traditions, such as turning off all their gadgets and heading for the hills – either on their own or with friends. I also know people who have tried some things reluctantly – such as going to a community dinner – and ended up really liking them.

Ask anyone who is willing to be honest what they would really like best – if only it were socially acceptable – and among the answers you will surely receive is that they'd love to have time to themselves. For so many of us, our lives are just so hectic. The thought of just slowing down, reading, watching movies or marathons of favorite TV shows – you name the thing that you most wish you had the time to do during your everyday life, and that can be your holiday plan.

What can you do about friends and family who constantly try to fix you up?

If this is not what you want, politely make it known. You could say something like, "I'm fine – I'm not looking." If you want to add a bit of an edge, you could note that you don't see yourself as broken and in need of fixing. I'd be tempted to – but ultimately would probably resist – offer to fix something about them that I see as in need of repair. You know, make it like a trade: If you want to fix me up with a date, maybe I could help you find an assertiveness trainer?

What if you do start to feel a little lonely during the holidays?

During holidays, there are often public places and public events and celebrations that are filled with people. Some find those kinds of things very inviting, and they feel unself-conscious in those contexts. Those kinds of possibilities also tend to be quite festive. I think it is also good to be pro-active, and plan things to do so you are unlikely to bump up against that loneliness.

Any reasons you're particularly happy to be single when the holidays roll around?

One of the things I love about the holidays is that I get to indulge my fondness for both socializing and spending time on my own. There are usually lots of holiday get-togethers, and that can be fun, but I also feel very happy, as I leave those events, to be heading home to have time to myself.

I like the freedom I have as a single person to spend holidays however I want to. Sometimes – especially for Christmas – I like to visit the home of one of my brothers who still has young kids. Other times, I spend holidays with friends. Since I live in such a desirable location (Summerland, California), sometimes people want to visit me for the holidays, and I love that too. I also enjoy spending the days doing the things I love – reading a novel straight through, taking long walks on beautiful trails, cooking, or whatever else I'm in the mood to do.